I’ve always heard of the importance of communication in life. As men, we’re so used to doing, reacting and advising as we always have an answer for something because naturally, we love to fix things. “You spend years learning how to read and write, and years learning how to speak. But what about listening?” (Steven Covey, 2015) I’ve never been to a professional development on the art of listening but I think I need to. This is one habit I truly struggle with and going on my second year of marriage, lacking the ability to listen has definitely not been an asset in that department. Professionally, I have a hard time sitting in a staff meeting or professional development without tuning out for large periods of time. Not intentionally, just something I struggle with.
Personally and professionally, I tend to want to get my point across and/or share my experiences so I forget to listen, my mind is usually working while the other person is talking. I’ve often asked, “why do I do this?” According to Covey, “because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc.” (Steven Covey, 2015) I tend to filter everything through my life experiences and if I have any knowledge of it, then my mind tends to begin formulating a response in the middle of a conversation when I’m supposed to be listening.
Covey distinguishes between 5 types of listening: ignoring, pretending, selective, attentive and empathetic. I believe I’ve practiced all 5, however I need to practice more empathy. Looking back at conversations where I tuned people out or pretended to listen, doesn’t still well with me so I need to make it a focus to empathize with people, colleagues and loved ones much more. Empathetic listening is intending to understand what the other person is trying to communicate without interrupting them with a response or formulating responses as they speak.
Commitment
I commit to mimicking the content that was just spoke because repeating what they said will develop a level of comprehension that is necessary in a conversation and it will show the speaker that I am engaged. I commit to rephrasing the content, to tell the same story, but in my own words. I commit to reflect on feelings of the person speaking instead of instead of trying to ‘fix’ the problem.
Teaching the Habit
I plan on teaching the habit to myself, first and foremost, and to my students. To practice listening to each other as they speak and then have them repeat (in their own words) what their partner just told them. I plan on incorporating more partner talk as it not only teaches the students how to communicate but how to listen as well.
References
Steven covey, S.C. (2015). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Habit 5: Think Win-Win. Retrieved 30 September, 2015, from https://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits-habit5.php